


Something Else

by MindfulWrath



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Episode: e053 The September Monologues, Gen, Mention - Freeform, Murder-Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 18:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2477357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindfulWrath/pseuds/MindfulWrath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, but . . . not your home, Chad. Not anymore. Because something else is living there now. Oh, Chad. Something else is living there now."</p><p>A short fic based on the Faceless Old Woman's September Monologue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Else

_ Something else is living there now, _ she'd said, on the radio in September, and she hadn't been wrong.

Because whatever It was, Chad reflected, It was certainly  _ else. _

"Go  _ home,"  _ Chad insisted, for what had to be the thousandth time.

"But Chad," It objected, in Its elsewhere voice that wasn't quite like speech, "I  _ am _ home."

"No, I mean go back where you  _ came _ from," he declared, exasperated.

"But Chad," It said again, "I came from here."

"No! You didn't! You came from some-fucking-where else, and I want you to go back there!"

"But Chad, you wanted me to come in the first place."

"Well now I want you to  _ un-come." _

"It doesn't work like that, Chad. I go where I am called. I can't be sent. It doesn't work like that."

"I  _ want _ it to work like that. Do you have any idea how much work I had to go through to get you here? No one else is  _ ever _ going to call you!"

"I know, Chad. I designed the ritual myself. I honestly don't see what you're so upset about."

Chad glared at the monstrous tangle of tentacles and eyes and gnashing teeth that was currently occupying his entire living room.

"You don't," he stated flatly. "You  _ really _ don't see any  _ problem _ with this."

"No, Chad."

He threw his hands into the air with a disgusted grunt. "You're hopeless."

There was a long pause, filled with unpleasant squelching noises.

"Did you know, Chad, that in all the time I've been living with you, you have never once asked me my name?"

"I actually  _ did _ know that, thank you, and it's because it's probably some sixteen-syllable bullshit that'll make my ears bleed."

There was another, longer pause. Chad fixed one of the staring eyes with a disapproving glare.

"It is, isn't it."

"It's actually seventeen syllables."

"God  _ dammit!" _

"No, that's not even close."

"Oh my God, shut  _ up." _

"I'm not talking, Chad. You're just listening."

"Seriously. I'm being serious, here. Stop talking or I'm going to start . . .  _ punching eyes." _

"That wouldn't do you much good, Chad, since my corporeal form is just a projection and feels no pain."

"I will  _ sing _ Justin  _ Bieber _ at you!"

A squelchy, discontented silence descended. With a huff, Chad dropped himself into the one armchair not occupied by Its writhing bulk.

"If your  _ corporeal form _ isn't real," he began at last, "then why does it look like that?"

"Am I allowed to speak, Chad?"

He sighed. "Sure, I guess."

"This is how you expected me to look."

Chad stared at It for a long moment. "What?"

"This is how you expected me to look, so I look like this."

"I did  _ not _ expect you to look like that."

"But you did, Chad," It replied, sounding rather injured.

"Okay, you know what? Fine. Whatever.  _ Now _ I would like you to  _ stop _ looking like that."

"What would you prefer, Chad?"

"You tell me."

"I am not a mind-reader, Chad."

"Yes, you are!"

It hesitated.

"That's not the point, Chad. This is what you expected of me, and you don't like it. If you want something different, how do I know I won't get it wrong again?"

He sighed, burying his face in his hands. "Just—I just want my living room back, okay? Could you look—I don't know, human? Just . . .  _ human?" _

"Yes, Chad, I could. Is that what you want?"

"Yes. Yes, it is. Do that. Please."

There was a long moment of silence. Chad looked up.

There was a small, chubby black woman sitting in the other armchair. All signs of tentacles, extraneous eyes, and extra mouths had vanished.

"That's what you pick for  _ human?" _

"Yes," It answered simply. "You . . . did not expect this."

"I expected you to be wearing clothes."

He blinked, and the woman's body was covered with a dark velvet robe.

"Is this preferable, Chad?"

"Ugh. Yeah, I guess. Look, not to be rude, but . . . what do you _want?"_

It—they?—shrugged. "I don't want anything, Chad. You called me. I assume you wanted something."

Chad bit his lip, looking away from the Something Else sitting placidly in his living room chair.

They tilted their head to the side. "Is something wrong, Chad?"

"I changed my mind," he said softly. "I don't . . . what I wanted then, I don't want that anymore."

"What did you want, Chad? You never told me."

He glanced at them, then sighed. "Will you promise not to do it?"

"I won't do anything I'm not asked to do, Chad."

Hesitating again, he picked at his fingernails, staring down at his hands.

"I . . . I _wanted_ like a . . . like a murder-spree. Like, all the assholes who're always making fun of me and—and leaving me out and stuff. I wanted to just . . . _murder_ them. All of them."

"And you don't want that anymore, Chad?"

Chad looked up at them, startled. "You mean you'd have done it?"

"I do what I am asked to do, Chad," they replied evenly, face impassive.

He stared for a moment, a series of emotions flicking across his face like the pages of a book flipping in the wind. Then he looked away, down at his own upturned, open palms.

"But yeah. I don't want that anymore."

"Why not, Chad?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just . . . I don't know."

The Something Else nodded sagely. "That happens sometimes, Chad."

Chad sighed again, levering himself to his feet.

"I'm gonna get a beer. You want anything?"

"I would like a beer too, Chad."

"Sure." He turned, then paused, looking back over his shoulder. "Uh . . . is there anything I can call you that won't make my ears bleed?"

They considered the ceiling, chewing their full lower lip.

"You've been thinking of me as Something Else," they said at last. "I think just _Else_ will do, Chad."

"Sure," he replied. "Uh, thanks for listening, um, Else."

They nodded, the corner of their mouth curving into the faintest of smiles.

"I do what I am asked to do," they replied, "even if you don't know you're asking."

 


End file.
